Life.

Life is racing by, and I don't like it.

Part of it is that I am in the midst of motherhood. Motherhood with small children. My days consist of organising everyone, planning ahead to organise everyone, and then attempting to schedule in some 'me' time at the end of the day. It goes so fast. I do have spare moments here and there, but then I'm usually so inwardly absorbed with thinking and planning ahead, or thinking about all the things I should be doing. I should be playing with Miss E more, I should be reading more (to myself and my kids), I should be cooking healthy meals, I should be exercising. So many shoulds, but what I really need to do, is enjoy it. Be in the moment. This time of my life is hectic and crazy and frustrating and tiring... but it is also amazing. These little people love me and need me and look up to me, more now than they ever will again. These little people who are my whole life. It's a cruel irony in many ways that this time, that is the most special is also the time that everything is so crazy you have trouble remembering anything!

Like right now, my life seems to centre around Miss E. Toddlers are hard, and Miss E has been my hardest. I sometimes find myself looking at Miss E, thinking "Who are you?" Mr O I feel I mostly understand, Miss A less so, but I'm learning. Miss E is so confusing to me - like, where did she come from? Who is this child that has been sent to me? She has so much energy and personality, and that mischievous spirit is insane! But as I may or may not have mentioned in my previous post, I am learning and trying to change my perspective, and realise that she is actually humbling me. Just think, if I had never had Miss E, or had a much 'easier' child as my third, I might still be going through life thinking that I know what I'm doing as a parent, thinking that I am better than other parents because my kids aren't 'naughty', judging other parents, judging other kids! I feel embarrassed to think that I could be like that! I'm not saying that I never judge - everyone does, of course they do. But I feel like I understand better now the reality that no one really knows what they are doing - and that is okay! We are all doing the best we can with what we have.

But getting back to my original topic... life passing me by, and not liking it. I don't have the answer. I feel that my mind is so task-orientated most of the time. It makes me feel like I've achieved something. But that also means that I am always searching for the next 'thing' that needs to be done, instead of living in the moment. Perhaps the answer is just taking moments throughout the day to be thankful, be grateful... Like right now I am thankful for Rhett and Link (internet comedy duo for those not aware). I appreciate their humour, their songs, and that my entire family enjoys watching them. It is one of the few things that can keep Miss E entertained and still!

That's it for now. I'm sure I'll write again - maybe tomorrow, maybe in 3 months - who knows with me!